I want you to understand that, when you tell someone to just shake off their depression, you trivialize their condition and deny their pain, So One day I mentioned something bordering me and what I heard was, the pain I am feeling is “all in my head”. Really ? Instead of you to say, “I will try my best to understand.”
Telling me that some other people have it worse only made me feel ashamed of my feelings.
Mrs Anyikwa in my university days would say, according Jean-Jacques Rousseau. "Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains. One man thinks himself the master of others, but remains more of a slave than they are. I feel everyone have their own way of dealing with their feelings, and what works for some may not be helpful for others.
Until quite recently, people had different views about depression, and mental illness in general. For many, even now, mental illness doesn't exist.
It's saying things like "Snap out of it" "Get it together" It's not that bad" and all kinds of other platitudes. If a person had appendicitis, or a stroke, or even cancer, family and friends would never suggest they just "Buck up, you can get through this" They would tell you "Get medical help! NOW!" abi? But in my case, I was referred to, one who needs attention or money. Please am I alone in this?
Few days ago a friend of mine said, we would be available incase you need to reach out or want to talk to someone anytime. You have an incredible supportive circle and we are here for you. But within this circle, one of them told me, stop wallowing in self pity, you are doing this because you need attention or money.
I have seen u grow over the years into such a wonderful woman. I have no doubts that if anyone can handle this, it would be you............ If this is true, please can someone tell me why I keep falling in and out of this situation?
I've come to realize that my thought patterns consist mainly of three things: regret of the past, fear of the future, and judgement in the now. I've been wondering how to retrain my brain.
It's also more difficult to recognise feelings of depression or anxiety, and I feel like more likely to blame ourselves as many people haven't experienced it in friends/family or personally. Looking back at it now (4 years ago) I can tell I was depressed, but I didn't realise I was at the time. I wish I had been more open with my family about my feelings, as I know now that some of my friends are going through a lot at the same time but we were all too anxious/embarrassed to tell one another.
I would say it is very likely that our friends are not sure what to do about these feelings. To help us, I think we have to Start with sharing our feelings of sadness, which are universally understood, and we may help. Telling them what you need, like going over for a movie/walk/tea would help them help us. I also find talking about these things on the phone much easier, I am always much more honest.But the sad part is, your partner may not even been aware, a lot of thing blindfolds them to noticing it, and speaking out to them is really HARD.
Try not to over-analyse your feelings too much (I do that, it doesn't help). Stay with them, they may be scary but sadness is natural. There is too much pressure to be happy especially when you are married, a single mother or even of age but not married yet.
I think what would help most is Proper sleep, sun light, exercise, nutrition, good friends and Counselling. I know it can be scary, but this is very normal and they hear about this kind of stuff all the time. They would be able to assess you and empower you to make some life changes.
I try to smile all the time not because I'm happy,but because I WANT to be happy and smiling actually makes me feel happy even on my roughest days. I love to smile and things have changed because of it. People are even different, they smile back. I visualised my kids looking at me with joy and innocence smiling and playing around me.
See No matter how rich and well educated or well known they are, you can fall into depression especially when things are not working the way you want them to.
I've spent most my life in meditation trying to overcome depression and anxiety and this is the most effective method to create space.
This is my first post helping others so I hope this is in some way reassuring. I hope you can tell us more about yourself and what you enjoy (or used to) it would be nice to get to know you.
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