My journey with depression 1

This will be the first and my be the last time I will be writing about me. I spend a lot of time taking care of other people and I seem to forget I have more own problems, burning and eating deep which might tomorrow take the better part of me.

Fighting something as frightening as your own mind is so much easier if you have the right support from professionals and from people around you. Losing yourself and your inner voice because you are to scared of being dismissed or judged one more time is an awful place to be. I guess that's what has made me fight so hard to have a voice, because I know one day I will be a voice for someone else, anyone else who needs it.
Have you ever been in a situation where you can't define or explain what it means, but you know that you are not sick, you are just not in the right mood, ever been depressed? I've had a number of tumbles in the road and unfortunately lots of judgement against me. Of course I knew appearance has nothing to do with whether or not I would experience a mental health problem, but it became a symbol of one of the most difficult parts of the whole thing - getting people to listen and take me seriously.

I've had so many appointments that I've been reduced to tears of frustration. My Dad used to say to me "I don't know what you've got to be depressed about, you're a good looking girl, you can have anything you want, you've got a good job and a roof over your head." I tried to make him understand that depression doesn't care about any of these things. I would give anything to feel like me again because waking up and fighting with yourself everyday is heartbreaking. I'm still nowhere near better but I'm in a much better place.

Along the way I'm going to do everything in my power to get more people to be aware of mental health problems, to know that they can happen to anyone, no matter who they are or what they have in life.

I have had a tough battle with anxiety this past year and it is amazing the difference it can make by guarding the thoughts you allow in your mind and by breathing deeply and correctly and living in the now. So If you're feeling like you want to die, it's important to tell someone. I've made a list of things I usually enjoy, like playing music and playing Ludo with my family, and I try to do little bits of these activities when I'm feeling low.

I also think the best thing is to treat yourself. When you're feeling down, it can be hard to feel good about yourself. Try to do at least one positive thing for yourself every day. This could be taking the time for a long bath, or browsing your phone and enjoy the fake life most people live on instagram. Most times, I fail to realize that not all goals can be achieved. I should be kind to myself. Not everyone can achieve all their goal. So don't beat yourself up if you don't do something you planned to, or find yourself feeling worse again. Try to treat yourself as you would treat a friend, and be kind to yourself.

I find reading other people's experiences makes me feel less like I'm alone in this. It's actually made me feel more comfortable. Please share if you are in this cycle or have a friend going through this phase, makes me believe that I am not alone.