My journey with depression 1

This will be the first and my be the last time I will be writing about me. I spend a lot of time taking care of other people and I seem to forget I have more own problems, burning and eating deep which might tomorrow take the better part of me.

Fighting something as frightening as your own mind is so much easier if you have the right support from professionals and from people around you. Losing yourself and your inner voice because you are to scared of being dismissed or judged one more time is an awful place to be. I guess that's what has made me fight so hard to have a voice, because I know one day I will be a voice for someone else, anyone else who needs it.
Have you ever been in a situation where you can't define or explain what it means, but you know that you are not sick, you are just not in the right mood, ever been depressed? I've had a number of tumbles in the road and unfortunately lots of judgement against me. Of course I knew appearance has nothing to do with whether or not I would experience a mental health problem, but it became a symbol of one of the most difficult parts of the whole thing - getting people to listen and take me seriously.

I've had so many appointments that I've been reduced to tears of frustration. My Dad used to say to me "I don't know what you've got to be depressed about, you're a good looking girl, you can have anything you want, you've got a good job and a roof over your head." I tried to make him understand that depression doesn't care about any of these things. I would give anything to feel like me again because waking up and fighting with yourself everyday is heartbreaking. I'm still nowhere near better but I'm in a much better place.

Along the way I'm going to do everything in my power to get more people to be aware of mental health problems, to know that they can happen to anyone, no matter who they are or what they have in life.

I have had a tough battle with anxiety this past year and it is amazing the difference it can make by guarding the thoughts you allow in your mind and by breathing deeply and correctly and living in the now. So If you're feeling like you want to die, it's important to tell someone. I've made a list of things I usually enjoy, like playing music and playing Ludo with my family, and I try to do little bits of these activities when I'm feeling low.

I also think the best thing is to treat yourself. When you're feeling down, it can be hard to feel good about yourself. Try to do at least one positive thing for yourself every day. This could be taking the time for a long bath, or browsing your phone and enjoy the fake life most people live on instagram. Most times, I fail to realize that not all goals can be achieved. I should be kind to myself. Not everyone can achieve all their goal. So don't beat yourself up if you don't do something you planned to, or find yourself feeling worse again. Try to treat yourself as you would treat a friend, and be kind to yourself.

I find reading other people's experiences makes me feel less like I'm alone in this. It's actually made me feel more comfortable. Please share if you are in this cycle or have a friend going through this phase, makes me believe that I am not alone.

My journey with depression 2

I am having a serious health issue, and simply telling me to 'snap out of it',or pretend it doesn’t exist isn’t going to cure me of this condition. Telling someone to “get over, or snap out of” their depression lacks compassion and will likely make the person feel misunderstood.
I want you to understand that, when you tell someone to just shake off their depression, you trivialize their condition and deny their pain, So One day I mentioned something bordering me and what I heard was, the pain I am feeling is “all in my head”. Really ? Instead of you to say, “I will try my best to understand.”
Telling me that some other people have it worse only made me feel ashamed of my feelings.

Mrs Anyikwa in my university days would say, according Jean-Jacques Rousseau. "Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains. One man thinks himself the master of others, but remains more of a slave than they are. I feel everyone have their own way of dealing with their feelings, and what works for some may not be helpful for others.

Until quite recently, people had different views about depression, and mental illness in general. For many, even now, mental illness doesn't exist.
It's saying things like "Snap out of it" "Get it together" It's not that bad" and all kinds of other platitudes. If a person had appendicitis, or a stroke, or even cancer, family and friends would never suggest they just "Buck up, you can get through this" They would tell you "Get medical help! NOW!" abi? But in my case, I was referred to, one who needs attention or money. Please am I alone in this?


Few days ago a friend of mine said, we would be available incase you need to reach out or want to talk to someone anytime. You have an incredible supportive circle and we are here for you. But within this circle, one of them told me, stop wallowing in self pity, you are doing this because you need attention or money.
I have seen u grow over the years into such a wonderful woman. I have no doubts that if anyone can handle this, it would be you............ If this is true, please can someone tell me why I keep falling in and out of this situation?

I've come to realize that my thought patterns consist mainly of three things: regret of the past, fear of the future, and judgement in the now. I've been wondering how to retrain my brain.
It's also more difficult to recognise feelings of depression or anxiety, and I feel like more likely to blame ourselves as many people haven't experienced it in friends/family or personally. Looking back at it now (4 years ago) I can tell I was depressed, but I didn't realise I was at the time. I wish I had been more open with my family about my feelings, as I know now that some of my friends are going through a lot at the same time but we were all too anxious/embarrassed to tell one another.

I would say it is very likely that our friends are not sure what to do about these feelings. To help us, I think we have to Start with sharing our feelings of sadness, which are universally understood, and we may help. Telling them what you need, like going over for a movie/walk/tea would help them help us. I also find talking about these things on the phone much easier, I am always much more honest.But the sad part is, your partner may not even been aware, a lot of thing blindfolds them to noticing it, and speaking out to them is really HARD.

Try not to over-analyse your feelings too much (I do that, it doesn't help). Stay with them, they may be scary but sadness is natural. There is too much pressure to be happy especially when you are married, a single mother or even of age but not married yet.
I think what would help most is Proper sleep, sun light, exercise, nutrition, good friends and Counselling. I know it can be scary, but this is very normal and they hear about this kind of stuff all the time. They would be able to assess you and empower you to make some life changes.

I try to smile all the time not because I'm happy,but because I WANT to be happy and smiling actually makes me feel happy even on my roughest days. I love to smile and things have changed because of it. People are even different, they smile back. I visualised my kids looking at me with joy and innocence smiling and playing around me.
See No matter how rich and well educated or well known they are, you can fall into depression especially when things are not working the way you want them to.
I've spent most my life in meditation trying to overcome depression and anxiety and this is the most effective method to create space.

This is my first post helping others so I hope this is in some way reassuring. I hope you can tell us more about yourself and what you enjoy (or used to) it would be nice to get to know you.