I Have It All — So Why Am I Not Happy?‎ ‎

Rita Aju 

I used to spend long nights wide awake, wandering around our house, wondering what I was missing in my life. I blamed myself for feeling this way. How could I be ungrateful when I had it all—a beautiful family, a loving friend and an amazing career in journalism ?

I grew up with the conviction that my studies, my job, and my perfect future family would make me happy. I gave my all to becoming happy and successful. I made sure to be the best girlfriend, the best mom, and the best daughter I could be. I lived like a robot, trying hard to live up to my own and other's expectations. ‎

My story is not unique. We live in a world filled with demands and expectations—what’s right and wrong, good and bad, what will show success and not failure. There are many voices telling us what to wear, what to eat, how to exercise, whom to marry, and what we should achieve. Even our bodies are great targets for judgment. In our quest to fit in and do the right thing, we create stress, anxiety, exhaustion, and depression. Not feeling great, or even well, has become the norm or let's say daily practice for many.

Then I made an amazing discovery: I realized I had been living someone else’s life. Other people’s, Society's,  My family's,  Anyone's but not my own.

What was missing in my life wasn’t another promotion, a higher salary, or a more perfect man. What was missing was me.

I once read that, when you wake up, see the sunlight streaming through the window, not the wallpaper that needs fixing. When the familiar voice in your head says there’s something wrong with you or that you’re not good enough, just say to yourself, "Stop!" Then tell yourself, "I’m brilliant, just the way I am." Be your own cheerleader. I wish I can!‎

Today I no longer try to fit in or be perfect. I had lived so much life based on what other people expected that I didn’t even know what was true for me anymore.

I think al I need to do is create a life where I’m included—a life that's different, more joyful, and vibrant. 

Most people look for someone else to acknowledge them when they are not acknowledging themselves. In the past, what I really longed for was to be seen. To be validated. Today I know that only I—no one else—can give myself a sense of worth. 

Acknowledging that opens up the magical place I knew as a little girl, the magical place where everything is possible, because everything I need is within me, yes within me. But how can I get it out is my problem. #sadface. ‎

We’re all spiritually, emotionally, and physically aware beings. We pick up stuff from the world around us—and the result is that many of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions aren’t our own. Instead we pick them up in different conversations, situations, and motivations from those around us.

If you find yourself buying into a point of view that doesn’t feel right, ask yourself: Is this point of view mine? Did I buy into it somewhere along the line? Am I choosing what’s true for me or what everyone else is choosing?‎

Cut out those things that aren't working—and add the things and the people that make you happy. Sign up for that yoga class you never seem to have time for. Set aside a night to have dinner with friends who make you smile. Paint your office. Join groups. Go out dancing. Book that trip you've always wanted to go on. Take life so so, as m friend would say. Shake things up!

Most of us keep creating our lives more or less within our comfort zone. Repeating slightly different versions of past choices feels familiar and helps us predict the outcome. Even though this often means that we recreate undesirable and destructive situations, we imagine that stepping out of our comfort zone to try something new must be worse. What would you choose if you knew that was a lie?

What if there’s nothing wrong with me?

Instead of judging your body because you think it’s not thin enough to fit media-set expectations, try expressing your gratitude for its wisdom and its beauty, for all it’s done for you, for how it’s carried you through your life and still does.

Instead of judging yourself for being foolish, you might congratulate yourself for daring to choose something different, something you feel is right.