Sperm donors and making child bearing possible for infertile couple, pros&cons.

Hmm the urge for quick money, do i say special announcement for virgins only ? okay no, lets get to business.  As mass unemployment and harsh economy continued to hit the Nigerian youth men have now turned to the new lucrative business of sperm donation to make quick money. 
After an Investigation it was revealed that many young Nigerian men are now smiling to the banks simply by donating their sperm to In Vitro Fertilisation, IVF, centres in Lagos and other major cities across the country. Terrible if you ask me anyway.

According to investigation, a donor realized as much as N325, 000 per month to assist couples who are desperately in need of children.
Investigation however revealed that a prospective donor walks into an IVF centre where he is screened and if found suitable for the purpose he is made to donate.

The source added that depending on the bargain, a donor may get between N10,000 and N25,000 per visit until he is able to fill 13 vials which could fetch him between N130,000 to N325,000 in a process that is said to be painless. this person makes cool cash.

A visit to two of the IVF centres, the Bridge Clinic and the Medical Assisted Reproduction Technology, MART, clinic in Lagos revealed that sperm donors are paid different rates, depending on their qualifications and other considerations such as profession, physical features, and family background among others.

“You cannot expect someone that attended Harvard to be paid the same amount as the person that attended a Nigerian university or even an undergraduate,” Prof. Oladapo Ashiru, Medical Director of MART Clinic explains.
A human embryologist at Bridge Clinic, Dayo Yussuf explains that donors’ sperm are used exclusively for couples where the man’s ejaculation contains no sperm. Aren't there other lucrative business other than the sale of sperm ?

Datas from National Mirror newspaper.

Signs That The Relationship End is Near

The four signs that shows the marriage is near end.

1.  You will now start seeing your marital problems as severe.

2.  Talking things over seems useless. You try to solve problems on your own.

3.  You start leading/living parallel lives.

4.  Loneliness will now sets in. But in all i believe communication is the key

Divorcing-Proofing Your Relationship

The key to reviving or divorce proofing a relationship is not in how you handle disagreements but in how you are with each other when you are not fighting or even throwing blows.  The Seven Principles will guide us in coping with conflict, as well as strengthen the friendship that is at the heart of any marriage.

Principle 1: Enhance Your Love Maps

• Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each others world, they kinda understand their talking language i don't mean lingual franca here.  They have rich detailed 'love maps' of each other.

Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

• The best test of whether a couple still has a functioning fondness and admiration system is couples who put a positive spin on their marriage's history.  These couples are likely to have a happy future as well,and i know this is very true.

• Reminding yourself of your spouse's positive qualities can prevent a happy marriage deteriorating.  The simple reason is that fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt. As it is sad that love does not count wrongs.

• Simply thinking and talking about positive qualities can exhume positive feelings that have long been buried.Try it, it works.

Principle 3: Turn Towards Each Other Instead of  Turning Away

• In marriage people periodically make "bids" for their partner's attention, affection, humour, or support.  People either turn towards one another after these bids or they turn away.

• Couples who characteristically turn towards one another are putting money in the bank.  They are building up emotional savings that can act as a cushion when times get rough.

• The stress reducing conversation "Reunite At The End Of The Day And Talk About It" seems to be the most effective in topping up the emotional bank account.  On a typical day, spend twenty to thirty minutes on this conversation.  Talk about anything outside the marriage.  Use the active listening technique.  This technique is okay to use when not airing gripes about each other.

1. Take turns.
2. Don't give unsolicited advice.
3. Show genuine interest.
4. Communicate you understand.
5. Take your spouse's side.
6. Express a "we against others" attitude.
7. Express affection.
8. Validate emotions.

• Once your marriage is set at a more positive level it will be harder to knock it off course.

Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You

• In the course of our research, we realized Gottman found that men who allow their wives to influence them have happier marriages, and are less likely to divorce than men who resist their wives' influence hmmmm.

• Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81% chance that the marriage will self-destruct.

• And again,Wives generally tend to let their husbands influence their decision-making, even in unstable marriages.

• The research found that the happiest, most stable marriages were those where the husband treated the wife with respect and did not resist power sharing and decision making with her,yes here in Nigeria.

• In analysing the data Gottman found significant gender differences when an area of conflict was discussed.  Although the wives would sometimes express anger or other negative emotions towards their husbands, they rarely responded to their husbands by increasing the negativity.

• But 65% of the males respondents escalated their wives' negativity.  They did this in a very specific way by trotting out one of the four horsemen,when i say four horsemen i mean (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling).

• If the wife of one of these men said "You're not listening to me!" the husband would either ignore her (stone wall), be defensive ("Yes, I am!"), or be contemptuous ("Why waste my time?"). So all these type of attitude shows end time for that marriage.

• Using one of the four horsemen to escalate a conflict is a sign that a man is resisting a wife's influence.

• More than 80% of the time it's the wife who brings up marital issues, while the husband tries to avoid discussing them,lol.  This is true in happy marriages as well as unhappy.

 Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems

• Solvable problems are situational and they don't reverberate into other areas of their lives.

• The basis for coping with either kind of problem is the same, communicating basic acceptance of your partner's personality.

• Human nature dictates that is is virtually impossible to accept advice from someone unless you feel that person understands you.

• If either or both of you feel judged, misunderstood, or rejected by the other, you will not be able to manage the problems in your marriage.

• In order to improve a marriage, we need to feel accepted by our spouse.

The steps for solving solvable problems are:

1.  Soften your startup.

• To ensure a soft startup:

• Complain but don't blame.

• Make statements that start with "I" instead of "You". For me it works

• Describe what is happening, don't evaluate or judge. I truly agree with this.

• Be clear.  Instead of "Would you look after the baby?"  "Please change Paula's nappy and give her a bottle."

• Be polite.  Use "please", and "I would appreciate it if...bla bla bla "

• Be appreciative.  Instead of "You never spend time with me anymore," say "Remember how we used to go out every Saturday night?"  I really loved that.  "Let's start doing that again"

• Don't store things up.

2.  Learn to make and receive repair attempts.

3.  Monitor your physiology during tense discussions for signs of flooding.

Take steps to soothe yourself and each other.  You need at least 20 minutes for the body to calm down.  If your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute you won't be able to hear what your spouse is trying to tell you no matter how hard you try.

4.  Compromise. 

The cornerstone of compromise is the fourth principle of marriage, accepting influence.  You don't have to agree with everything your spouse says or believes, but you have to be honestly open to considering his or her position.

5.  Be tolerant of each other's faults. 

Conflict resolution is not about one person changing.  It's about negotiating, finding common ground and ways you can accomodate each other.
These steps amount to having good manners, treating your spouse to the same respect you would give to friends.

Principle 6: Overcoming Gridlock of Perpetual Problems

Perpetual problems: Unfortunately 69% of maritial problems fall into this category.

Examples of perpetual problems are:

1. Rita wants to have a baby, but Victor says he's not ready yet, and doesn't know if he ever will be.
2. Joachim wants sex more frequently than Stella.
3. Linus Okeke wants to raise his children as Catholics.  Jessica is Jewish and wants their children to follow her faith.
4. Mary thinks Mr.Ikoku is too critical of their son.  But Ikoku thinks he has the right approach.  Their son has to be taught the correct way to do things.

The signs of being grid locked over a perpetual problem are:

• The conflict makes you feel rejected by your partner.

• You keep talking about it but make no headway.

• You become entrenched in your positions and are unwilling to budge.

• When you discuss the subject, you feel more frustrated and hurt.

• Your conversations about the problem are devoid of humour, amusement, or affection.

• Eventually you disengage from each other emotionally.

• The way out of gridlock is to be able to uncover and share with each other the significant personal dreams you have for your life.

• In other words, the endless arguement symbolises some profound difference between you that  needs to be addressed before you can put the problem in its place.

• If you are hopelessly grid locked over a problem you just can't solve, the goal is not to solve the problem, but rather to move from gridlock to dialogue.

• Gridlock is a sign that you have dreams for your life that aren't being addressed or respected by each other.

• Our deepest dreams are rooted in childhood.  You may long to re-create some of your warmest memories of family life from your youth, or feel the psychological need to distance yourself from painful childhood memories by not duplicating the same activities. 

Steps to overcoming gridlock:

1.  Become a dream detective.
2. Work on gridlocked issues by writing an explanation of the issue, the story of the hidden dreams, where the dreams come from and why they are important.
3. Then talk about the issue, using speaker, listener techniques.  Each gets 15 minutes as speaker and 15 minutes as the listener.  Don't try to solve the problem.  Simply seek for understanding.
4. If you can, tell your partner you support his or her dream.
5. Sooth each other.
6. End the gridlock - understanding that the purpose is not to solve the conflict.  The goal is to try to remove the hurt so the problem stops being a source of great pain.That is why you should get married to your FRIEND.

Feel free to add your comments.

MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR THE WEAK, AS DIVORCE IS NOT THE SOLUTION IN ALL CASES.

What Predicts Divorce and How to Divorce Proof Your Marriage

This article discusses John Gottman research where he studied happily married couples for many years and how he can predict divorce.  He offers principles to divorce proof your marriage and we analyzed them.
First of all, A critical goal of any marriage is to create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her convictions. The more shared meaning you can find, the deeper, richer, and more rewarding your relationship will be. Happily married couples only devote an additional five hours per week to their marriages.
What Predicts Divorce

1.  Harsh startup of discussion of a disagreement

When the discussion starts up with criticism and/or sarcasm, a form of contempt.  The discussion has begun with a harsh start up. 

•  Statistics from this research tell us that 96% of the time you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes of a fifteen-minute interaction.

2.  The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse - criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling

• Criticism: Criticisms and complaints are two different things.  A complaint only addresses a specific action or behaviour.  A criticism is more global.  It adds on some negative words about your partner's character and personality.  To turn any complaint into a criticism, just add "What's wrong with you?" lol

• Contempt: Sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye rolling, sneering, mockery and hostile humour are all forms of contempt.  Contempt conveys disgust.  Belligerence is a close cousin to contempt.  It is a form of aggressive anger because it contains a threat or provocation.

• Defensiveness: Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner, which is saying in effect "The problem isn't me it's you."

• Stonewalling: Harsh start up with criticism and contempt leads to defensiveness, which leads to more contempt and more defensiveness.  Eventually one partner tunes out.  This is stonewalling.

Stonewalling is the result of flooding, a physical reaction including increased heart rate,        hormonal changes which include the secretion of adrenalin, which kicks in the flight/fight response and increased blood pressure.

The physical sensation of feeling flooded  make it virtually impossible to have a productive, problem-solving discussion.  All you can think about is how to protect yourself from the turbulence your spouse's onslaught causes.  The way to do that is to disengage emotionally from the relationship.

In 85% of marriages, the stonewaller is the husbane.  Gottman's research indicates that the male cardiovascular system is more reactive than the female's and slower to recover from stress.  Since maritial confrontation that activates vigilance takes a greater physical toll on the male, it's no surprise that men are more likely than women to attempt to avoid confrontation.

3.  Failed Repair Attempts

Repair attempts are efforts the couple make that prevents negativity from escalating out of control. For example, "Let's take a break" or "I need to calm down."

The failure of repair attempts is a primary factor for unhappy relationships.  The presence of the four horseman by them selves predict divorce with a 82% accuracy.  However, when you add in the failed repair attempts, the accuracy climbs into the 90% plus.

4.   Pervasive Negative Thoughts About The Relationship

 When a relationship gets consumed in negativity, it's not only the present that gets painted in a negative light, the past often gets re-written in a negative light also.

Steps to overcoming gridlock:

1.  Become a dream detective.
2. Work on gridlocked issues by writing an explanation of the issue, the story of the hidden dreams, where the dreams come from and why they are important.
3. Then talk about the issue, using speaker, listener techniques.  Each gets 15 minutes as speaker and 15 minutes as the listener.  Don't try to solve the problem.  Simply seek for understanding.
4. If you can, tell your partner you support his or her dream.
5. Sooth each other.
6. End the gridlock - understanding that the purpose is not to solve the conflict.  The goal is to try to remove the hurt so the problem stops being a source of great pain. Besides, marriage is not for every one.

Feel free to add your comment/suggestion.

Getting orgasm from writing ? Mine is a bit strange. IJEOMA RICHARDS

Fear of failure is what stops us more than anything , if you think of it a lot of the time we do have good ideas, but we are afraid of failing, But that is not the case of the young and beautiful lady Ijeoma Richards. …

She is a damsel and a book worm, was at continental broadcasting services ( TVC ) today for a life show, research was made on her and we realized the following from her.

Books are her greatest companion.  According to her , she read her first novel at primary two and by the time she was fully grown she had read about a thousand books. Although, she readily admits during this interview that she was penalized severally for reading too much by her mum while growing up. “Reading got me into trouble as a kid,” she says. “I was penalized severally by my mum.”
Interviewing her was like walking on a tight-rope. She was not only tight-lipped about her private life; she also declared that certain areas were off limits. “You can ask me about my books, I will tell you. But don’t go into my private life” she forewarned at the beginning of the session.

What inspired your love for writing?

I just love reading. I use to get penalized for reading by my mum while growing up. While I was growing up she would leave me in the kitchen and say, “Ijeoma look after the food on fire and make sure it doesn’t get burnt, if you think it’s going to burn call me,” but my naughty self will stay there while everything burns. So, on this basis I was penalized for reading as a kid. For me, reading has become a natural part of me.

Who were your early inspirations?

What can I say? In my own case, it’s chronic because I read everything that is printed. Everything I saw, I read. I even picked up papers from the ground. So, for my early inspiration, I can’t really begin to tell you right now.

Now that you are fully-grown, what kind of books do you read?
Now I’m choosy about what I read because when you see a badly written book it’s easy to know, after reading few pages because you get bored already.

Is your new book sex oriented?
No, there is no sex. It’s more about relationship between countries and what could happen if one nation doesn’t respect the other and stuffs like that. So, it has nothing to do with sex.
But sex is hot and selling.
I’m not talking about selling; there are different types of book and you could sell sex if you are so inclined. I’m not saying you can’t sell sex but that’s not what my book is about.
So you mean there is no sex at all in your book?
Not at all, not in this one. Those who have seen it and those who have read it have told me it’s awesome. Well, I hope it is. They said it’s wonderful, but that means you can have wonderful books without sex.

Who is your favourite author?

Right now when it comes to fiction there’s a man called Lee Child.
What about him?
I still get riveted by reading his books. A lot of books don’t give me that feeling these days. It’s hard now to get books that interest me. But I can read Lee’s book back to back. And now we have lots of good Nigerian authors
.
Like who and who?
I have read Odili Ujubuoghon. I read his book recently and he is an award winner, an NLG awardee.

Some people say they get orgasm from writing; do you also get orgasm from writing?

Getting orgasm from writing ? Mine is a bit strange . What I can say is that, my friend, my very close friend was surprised when she came to my bedroom to put on the TV in my bedroom and discover it worked.  She said she didn’t know it could work. For me, It’s that bad my TV could stay six months without coming on.  I could stay in the house for two months if I got a book, that is why i think mine is a bit strange.

So where do you intend going with your writing?

I intend to keep doing it. One thing I know is that in the next 100 year we are all going to be dead, nobody who is standing today will be alive in the next 100 years. Nobody will know you built this house, nobody knows who bought that land but we pick up books that are written by people who lived 200 years ago. So, that’s the kind of legacy I want to leave. I want people to read what I have written when I’m long gone and forgotten.

Is writing a book like childbirth?
I suppose so, in the sense that you write it and then it goes away and people use it, they translate it, you know, do other things and even reverence it without consulting you.

What’s the difference between child birth and giving birth to a new book?
I think the difference could be that you don’t have to have sex to write your book, do you? But if you want to have a baby, in most cases, you may have to do that.

So what do you do for a living?

I have a company that publishes and then I do the writing, editing as well for a lot of people.

Do you write based on personal experience?
I wouldn’t say so. If I bring up what you have written I couldn’t say all of them are personal. Sometimes, some people write a book and they give it a title after they have written it. I get a title and then I work from the title so I can’t be writing if I don’t know what I’m writing about. I think my inspiration gives me the title, I get a title and then with that title I go on. So, it’s not like I finish writing a book then I start thinking what do I call this book.

What is life like as a writer?

Very boring, you know about it. If you get locked up somewhere. It’s boring it’s not a career that you need company doing. It’s a very boring life but if you like it you like it, I’m that kind of person. I’m a bit of a loner and so it works for me.

How is your love life?

My love life? I will have to think about it and get back to you.

Where did you school, university I mean?

I had my first degree at Enugu State and I had my Masters from the University of Lagos. I actually studied business all through, surprising?

Does it pay to be a writer?

It pays enough to provide for me.

Do you have a life aside books?

Yes I do, I go to church. I have got friends that are writers too and so I meet with them. But mostly I read and write and I do what pays.  I edit for people too, I just finished editing a wonderful novel written by a friend of mine.

What’s your advice to Nigerian youths concerning reading?

They should read. I was at an event few months ago to speak on reading and I left heartbroken because there were a whole lot of students and I asked a question like who among you have read any book in the past three months nobody came out.  I wanted to cry. I think we shouldn’t blame them but the government. There are no libraries in schools.

What does it take to write a bestseller?

Well, what it takes to write a bestseller is to sit down and write it, you sit down and write it and if it becomes a bestseller good for you.

Are you saying achieving that is by luck?

I believe there is no luck in life.

Do you think you are a successful female  writer?

I am not there yet; I’m working towards that.

Are you successful in terms of income?

I am successful because I am happy and comfortable. I’m working hard and for me that is success. well done IJ as your friends will call you.


From Entertainment Express .

Akolade Arowolo sentenced to death at last for killing his newly wedded wife.

      
Mr. Arowolo has been sentenced to death.



Justice Lateefat Okunnu of an Ikeja High Court on Friday, February 21, has finally sentenced Akolade Arowolo to death over the murder of his wife, Titilayo.
Mr. Arowolo was charged to court for allegedly stabbing his wife, a banker, to death on June 24, 2011 at their residence at No. 8, Akindeinde St., Isolo, Lagos.
His plea is not taken.

The trial began with the deceased father and sister testifying against Mr. Arowolo. Mr. Oyakhire and his daughter, Ijeh, testify that the Arowolos’ marriage was characterized by violence and abuse. The couple’s co-tenant, Adewale Adeyemi, also testifies that he heard a loud noise when he was in his apartment. He claims he saw Mr. Arowolo rushing out with a deep cut in his palms after the incident.

In February 20, 2012: The prosecution tenders evidence relating to the murder; it is admitted into the court as exhibits. They include a kitchen knife, which was allegedly used in the murder of the deceased, four mobile phones and 29 crime-scene photographs taken by the police. The prosecution calls two more witnesses to give evidence in the matter.

 The fourth witness, Saidu Husseni, a security man at the residence of the Arowolos, admits that he was at the house on the day of the incident. Speaking in Hausa language, Mr. Husseni alleges that he saw Mr. Arowolo washing blood from his hands, while the suspect urged him to hurriedly open the gate.

The fifth witness, Titus Ogbonna, from the Homicide Section, State CID, Yaba, Lagos tells the court how a N100 note, stained with blood, was recovered from Mr. Arowolo’s vehicle.

 Mr. Ogbonna continues his testimony on March 20, 2012: . He claims that investigations by the police led to a convincing conclusion that Titilayo was murdered by her husband.

 Titilayo’s step-mother, Adetoun Oyakhire, also testifies alleging that the deceased was planning to divorce her husband before she was killed. She says Mr. Arowolo has a violent history with the deceased. The court also admits as exhibits, a blood soaked pair of jeans short, a blood soaked bed sheet and pillow case, hammer, kitchen knife, frying spoon and a spatula.
The blood-soaked N100 note allegedly recovered from the floor of Mr. Arowolo’s Honda Accord car, after his arrest by the police is also admitted.

The deceased stepmother, Mrs. Oyakhire, was cross-examined on March 27, 2012  by Mr. Arowolo’s counsel, Olarenwaju Ajanaku. Mrs. Oyakhire insists that she had a very cordial relationship with the deceased and had counseled her to be a good wife and to always put her marital problems before God.
Another prosecution witness, Solomon Ailoyen, tells the court how they found Mr. Arowolo’s car at Aswani, Lagos on the day of the incident.

April 25, 2012: Another of the deceased sister, Folake Oyahire, tells the court how she discovered the lifeless body of her sister after the murder. The couple’s landlord, Julius Akinloye, also testifies that another tenant told him that he saw Mr. Arowolo jumping from the balcony of his apartment on the day of the incident. The court adjourns trial till May 2, 2012.
May 2, 2012: The 10th prosecution witness, Gift Nyeche, a police forensic photographer with the State CID, Panti, Yaba was called to testify. Mr. Nyeche told the court how he took some photographs of Mr. Arowolo’s car at the crime scene during the investigation on June 28, 2011. Attempts to tender the photographs as exhibits was rejected by the court as they are not accompanied with negatives in line with Section 86(4) of the Evidence Act, 2011. The matter was adjourned till June 7, 2012.

 The court finally admits the crime scene photographs as exhibits following the attachment of the negatives. The accused, Mr. Arowolo, slumps in the dock during trial. He is revived by prison officials and immediately taken outside the court room to take his drugs. Two police officers, Benson Ajie, an inspector, and Cletus Bayem, a sergeant, have earlier testified against the defendant during the proceedings. Mr. Ajie, who is of the Homicide Department, State CID, Panti, Yaba, and Mr. Bayem, an officer attached to the Aswani Police Station, both claim that the confessional statements made by Mr. Arowolo were obtained voluntarily. The judge adjourns the matter till June 28, 2012 following the defendant’s illness.

 Mr. Arowolo arrives at the court room at about 8:45 a.m. with the assistance of a male prison official, and sits in the gallery with his head resting on a chair. His lawyer, Olarenwaju Ajanaku, tells the court that he is critically ill and cannot withstand the rigours of trial. The court adjourns the matter till September 24, 2012.
September 24, 2012: The trial judge, Mrs. Okunnu, threatens to issue a warrant of arrest against one of the prosecution witness, Mr. Bayem, who failed to appear in court. The court adjourns further hearing till September 28, 2012
September 28, 2012: Mr. Bayem appears in court to conclude his testimony. The prosecution also calls a commercial photographer, Julius Okolawon, to give his evidence. He tells the court that he took seven photographs of Mr. Arowolo at the Aswani Police Station. The photographs are admitted by the court as exhibits. The matter is adjourned till October 15, 2012.
October 15, 2012: A consultant pathologist, John Obafunwa, tells the court that Titilayo’s body was inflicted with 76 stab wounds. Mr. Obafunwa, the Chief Medical Examiner of Lagos State, says he conducted both external and internal examination of the body of the deceased during the autopsy. According to him, the final result of the autopsy revealed that the death was caused by multiple injuries in the chest and abdomen due to multiple sharp wounds and long force trauma.

November 19, 2012: Kingsley Ehebha, a staff of MTN appears before the court to testify. Mr. Ehebha, a fraud analyst at the company, produces Mr. Arowolo’s call records between June 1 and July 26, 2011. The call logs are admitted by the court as exhibits. The DPP announces closure of their case against the accused. The matter is adjourned till November 29, 2012.

The accused father, Mudasiru Arowolo, opens testimony for the defence, claiming that his son did not murder Titilayo as being alleged. He blames the trouble which rocked the Mr. Arowolo’s marriage on undue interference by Titilayo’s father and step-mother. According to him, the deceased had once threatened to kill her husband and herself during a quarrel, which happened when they visited him.
December 4, 2012: The trial is stalled due to the absence of the accused mother, Bolanle Arowolo.

January 22, 2013: The mother of the accused, Bolanle, testifies on behalf of her son who she describes as God-fearing. She says her late daughter-in-law was rude and troublesome, earning her the nickname, Margaret Thatcher. The witness also insists that her son is innocent of the crime.

January 29, 2013: A defence witness, Efe Omordia, called to testify on behalf of Mr. Arowolo, describes him as a role model. The witness says she works with Joy Bringers International, a non-governmental organisation (NGO), involved in the counselling and rehabilitation of inmates. According to her, the accused had shown exemplary leadership qualities in the prison environment and is a member of the prison’s recreation, reformation and rehabilitation club in Ikoyi Prison. Two other witnesses, Eucharia Enofe and Taiwo Oyetola, also testify on behalf of the defence.

March 28, 2013: Mr. Arowolo enters the witness box and begins the narration of his own side of the story. He tells the court that he got married to Titilayo on August 8, 2008 and the family was blessed with a baby girl few months after the marriage.
 According to him, ego and immaturity caused several problems between him and his wife and deprived them of marital bliss.

May 22, 2013: The accused continues his testimony, telling the court that he did not murder Titilayo. Mr. Arowolo says his in-laws were responsible for the trouble in his marriage to their daughter. He claims Titilayo died after accidentally falling on a knife she was using to stab him during a quarrel on the day of the incident which was his birthday.

September 17, 2013: The judge adjourns the adoption of the written addresses till October 2, 2013. She directed the prosecution and defence to file and serve the processes before the next adjournment date.
October 2, 2013: The judge imposes a N10, 000 fine on Mr. Arowolo’s counsel, Mr. Ajanaku, for wasting the time of the court. Mrs. Okunnu says Mr. Ajanaku’s failure to file and regularise the defence processes is a setback to the speedy conclusion of the case. She adjourns the matter till October 31, 2013.
October 31, 2013: Mrs. Okunnu grants Mr. Arowolo’s counsel, Mr. Ajanaku, an extension of time to file his written address. She adjourns the matter till December 4, 2013.
December 4, 2013: Both the prosecution and defence adopts their final written addresses.

December 19, 2013: Parties re-adopt their written addresses. The prosecution counsel, Ms. Ogungbesan, asks the court to convict Mr. Arowolo of the charge. She argues that the prosecution has proved its case against the accused beyond reasonable doubt. However, Mr. Ajanaku disagrees with the prosecution asking the court to discharge and acquit Mr. Arowolo. The judge, Mrs. Okunnu tells both parties that date of judgment will be communicated to them.
February 21, 2014: The judge finds Mr. Arowolo guilty of murder and sentences him to DEATH
(NAN)

TIT FOR TAT: I shunned Nigeria’s centenary to pay back Jonathan – Amaechi

    

  Rivers State Governor Rotimi Amaechi has said that he stayed away from the Nigeria’s centenary in Abuja in order to get even with President Goodluck Jonathan whom he said failed to honor the invitation to 100 years anniversary of Port Harcourt last year.
 

The governor explained that even when prominent indigenes of the state visited the President in Abuja and invited him to the 2013 event in Port Harcourt, he refused to be at the occasion.

Amaechi, who spoke at a book presentation to mark the 70th birthday of the former Vice Chancellor of the University of Port Harcourt, Prof. Nimi Briggs, on Saturday, explained that he had expected Jonathan to honour the invitation from the state.

He said, “When they ask me why I did not attend the celebration, I said five prominent Rivers men left here to go and invite the President. When they approached me that they wanted to go and invite the President, I said, ‘don’t bother your head, the President won’t come.’

“They said ‘no, not after he had seen us.’ They (Rivers indigenes) are seated hear, Justice Karibi Whyte, Prof Tekena Tamuno, Prof E.J. Alagwa, Chief Agbaru and Prof. Nimi Briggs; and they went. They were very well received by our President and they were very impressed.

“They came back to my house that day in Abuja and they told me that they met with the President and I was excited. Everybody in the Federal Government told me the President would come (for the Port Harcourt centenary). The President did not come.

“So, I told them that I would not go to (Nigeria’s) centenary because Port Harcourt turned 100 and the President refused to come even though he grew up here. I said I would not go to Nigeria’s Centenary in response to his (Jonathan) refusal to come for Port Harcourt Centenary.

“I did that not because I wanted to disrespect the President. I respect him for his age and his achievement in the society. I thought that the Federal Government should have respected and honored that invitation,” Amaechi said.

On the political crisis in the state, the governor said the only way the problem could come to an end was for the state to benefit from Federal Government projects.

He acknowledged the presence of some elders in the state that could make him move from the All Progressives Congress back to the Peoples Democratic Party, but added that such elders had not been convinced on the need for him to leave the APC.

He said, “They asked me, how would you end this crisis? I say with me, it will be difficult to end because I stand forward to look at Rivers State. I said the only way to end it is to change the face of Rivers State. If Rivers people get better things, I will change.

“Then I put a caveat; I said there are some old men here who can make me move from APC to PDP because they will never tell me to move to PDP if they are not convinced that it is the right thing to do. This means you can’t influence them with anything rather than what is right for Rivers State and Nigeria.

“They are here; they know themselves and they have been part of the struggle in a very quiet manner and they support me. My prayer is that God will continue to bless all of you.”humm power tussle i must say.

Nigerian Prostitutes Demand Recognition

 
The Nigerian prostitutes don't want to be left out and as such has decided to join their counterparts in some countries to demand for legal recognition of their trade as a job. As the world marks the 14th International Sex Worker’s Rights Day today.

Some of the prostitutes told newsmen that the time had come for the Nigerian government to grant them their due recognition and further recognise that as human beings trying to keep body and soul going, the ‘profession’ should be considered legitimate enough to put a stop to its discrimination and stigmatisation.

Though many of them did not realise that a day like this was set aside for them until they were told, they also called on rights activists to assist them gain the desired recognition.
“See, many people, including you, do not see us as human beings. In your mind, we are a condemned set of Nigerians who sell their bodies so cheaply, but that thought is not right,” Jane, a lady from eastern Nigeria who operates at a brothel close to the railwayline in Agege explained.

Her colleague, a 27-year old from southern Nigeria, said with their rights recognised, they could pay tax to the government and to be seen as decent people in the society.

“In some countries abroad, sex workers pay taxes. There is no discrimination, they can sue and even have streets, mainly in red light districts allocated to them to carry out their trades.
“But here in Nigeria, we are faced with rejection from the society, serious harassment by the police, and victimisation by our customers.

“You can imagine a customer who rushes into this place in a desperate bid to ease himself, jumps at one of us after a bargain and rides like a horse only to renege on the agreement on how much he should pay. If we have our rights, we could call for his arrest without shame or molestation from security agents and other Nigerians,” she explained.

In a brothel just a few meters away, another sex worker, Judith, told our correspondent that many prostitutes have various reasons for taking up the “business.”
In her own case, she had travelled out of the country primarily to “hustle in Spain. But I was deported even before reaching the place.
“It was a tough experience and I started sleeping with men as we moved from one country to another just to get money to survive. I stayed two months in Morocco gathering money, but just days to my entering Spain, I was caught with other 80 women and men and sent back to Nigeria.

“I am from Agbor in Delta State and couldn’t go back to my place because of the shame. So I took up residency in this place servicing men daily and making money. I’m even more comfortable here now and I make good money, about N12,000 every week,” she said.

In another brothel located behind the lock-up shops in Iyana-Ipaja, Philo, a 30-year old, who said she never heard that sex workers had such a day in their honour, said it would be good for government to give them legal backing.
“We can be seen as social workers assisting men who can’t summon the courage to ‘toast’ women, who are downtrodden and can’t maintain having a full-time girlfriend or wife as well as those who love variety.

“Ordinarily, without us, there would be much depression among men in the country. If you see what we have to bear sometimes, dirty men, stinking mouths and a lot more. How many women on the streets can accommodate that?” she asked
Her colleague, who gave her name as Eki (meaning market in Bini language), said granting recognition to prostitutes in Nigeria is the best thing government could do for them.
“In many parts of the world, women are not ashamed to say they are call girls because they are recognised by the society.

“In the case of Nigeria, we just overlook the daily insults from both children and adults as well as the usual harassment from the police just to keep hope alive.
“Sincerely, we are not regarded as members of the society, we don’t have the freedom to do what we like because of the stigma. If the government cannot provide us jobs or put us on a welfare scheme to prevent us from taking to this means of livelihood, then it should recognise us as doing legitimate business,” she said.

She also called for support from non-government and rights organizations, saying they are in a better position to help in the fight.
The International Sex Workers’ Rights Day is marked on 3 March every year to call the world’s attention to the plight of sex workers and demand for their rights.
With the red umbrella as its symbol, the day came into existence in 2001 with a protest of over 25,000 sex workers organized by the Durbar Mahila Samanwaya Committee in India.

In South Africa, Sisonke, the only movement of sex workers in the country is commemorating the day with a march across streets to call for an end to injustices against sex workers and demand the recognition of prostitution as a legitimate job.

Culled from PM NEWS